These Words shared by A Parent Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You require support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger inability to open up between men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."